


Just Too Cute

by LedaLaters



Category: Deadpool (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, F/M, Ooops I forgot about that one onomatopoeia that I added, Original Character(s), Two Shot, lots of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:12:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3624435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LedaLaters/pseuds/LedaLaters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two-Shot! The Author comes and 'compliments' a certain part of Wade's anatomy... But it wasn't what he expected (nor what the readers expect, I suspect). Not at all. Really, what does she mean by– well, I suppose you'll have to read on to find out what all that is about, eh? Based on Deadpool Marvel Now! comics (esp. 1 & 2). Teensy bit of spoilers, but really, it makes no difference.</p><p>Rated T for crude but not rude language... if that makes any sense at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ass

"You've got a cute ass, Wade."

"Cute? What do you mean by cute? My ass is deliciously handsome, thank you very much."

**Wait. How does she know what our ass look like?**

_We wear skin-tight spandex. Does that answer your question?_

"Nup. Definitely cute. And I've seen it in the nude. Your cute, nude ass."

"You can hear them?"

"Mmmhmm."

"I still think my ass is handsome."

**Manly.**

_Sexy._

"Cute. Or adorable, if you prefer. I like cute though."

"I agree with me that my ass is sexy. Cute is so... unmanly!"

"Says the one who dreams of being manhandled by the She-Hulk WHO KISSES YOU! How is that manly? I'm still sulking about that, by the way."

"That was ghostie's fault! How'd you know about that anyways? Are you another voice in my head that I'm hallucinating?"

_Another?_

**We have a pal?**

"I mean, seriously, I can totally beat them all any day. You suck, Wade."

"Hey! I do not suck! I'm awesome. You're totally not me if you're so against me."

**We don't have a pal? Aww...**

_I don't think we'd like her as a pal very much. She keeps on insulting us._

"Hey! I do not insult you! I'm just saying you're cute, She-Hulk can go rot in a hole, and I'm totally a better kisser than her."

"Wait... do you mean..."

**Could she be saying...**

_Are we dreaming?_

"Nup! I think you are awake. The She-Hulk is not here after all... I can totally beat her."

"You sure? She's kinda huge and green."

**You don't wanna piss the She-Hulk off, kiddo.**

_Nope, definitely not a good idea._

"'Course I can. I'm The Author."

**Did she just say that with capital letters?**

"Yup. I'm The Author. Now get the She-Hulk out of your mind before I get Logan to kiss you."

"I'm sorry! Anything but that! You hurt my feelings... Will you kiss it better?"

**Pretty please?**

_You know you want to._

"Hmm... What to do? You're such a naughty boy, Wade, but you're just too cute."

_Did she just call us cute again?_

**I don't care! Just get her to kiss us please!**

"I promise I'll be good! Come over here so I can swear by your lips!"

"You're pathetic, Wade. But that's what makes you so adorable and cute..."

_We're not pathetic!_

"Yeah, we're not pathetic. Totally not. C'mere and we'll prove it to you."

"Sure... you'll forever be pathetic and amusing and–"

...  
...  
...

**SCORE!**

_Hell yeah!_

"So. Still pathetic?"

"...Cute."


	2. Butt

"Hey, speaking of butts..."

_Speaking of? She does realise that the last time we spoke was more than a month ago, right?_

"Shhhh! She's talking about our ass again, it's bound to be good. Right?"

**I do hope so...**

"I'm not here to talk about your butt, Wade, but–"

_She's not?_

**Awwww....**

"Shaddap, italics and bold. I was going to introduce you to this amazing piece of art, featuring mature ratings, butts, and hilarity. But since you guys don't seem very enthusiastic, maybe I should forget it..."

"NO! It was them, not me! I would very much like to see this fantastically amazingly scrumtilicious piece of art! Pretty please?"

_Aaaaandd... here comes the puppy eyes._

**And the kneeling and begging.**

"Oh, well... I suppose so, since you're asking so nicely."

*pop!*

_Woah! Where'd that come from?_

**Why do we care? IT'S A HOLO PROJECTOR!**

"...If you're trying to impress me with your fancy-nancy skillz, ma'am, you are failing. Deadpool is not impressed. In the slightest. Nope! Totally not caring that you can just conjure uber-cool gizmos out of nowhere."

"Well, if you're going to be like that..."

"Wait! No! I didn't mean it! I was being sarcastic! My brain was temporarily taken over by this meanie alien mind-control thing! Please show us the thing?"

"Oh, you are so cute, Wade."

_Again with the 'cute'? This woman has a fixation with the word or something._

"Hush, stop insulting the lady when she's about to show us some butt!"

"Thank you, Wade. Anyways. Upcoming, we have... DOMIC'S BUTT SHOW!"

...  
...  
...  
...  
...  
...  
...  
...

**_THE END(?)_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who have not yet encountered the amazing video by Domics on YouTube aptly titled "Butts", go there, search it up, and bask in the glory of butts. NAO.
> 
> Then you shall understand what this was all about. (And why Wade is currently crying. The poor dear!)
> 
> -The Author.


End file.
